Humans suffer from the most ridiculous affliction there is and that is consciousness with emotions coupled with imagination. Ridiculous is the best way I can describe it. A mass of weirdoes’ all trying to understand themselves, other people and the world around them. It’s no simple task when our internal selves are prone to foolishness. I suppose this is why I love Oscar Wilde so much, he understood the human condition in all its folly.
Firstly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with most of you and it’s normal to have behaviour that others consider strange or weird. Chances are that you’re a lovable freak, you’ve done something right to stand out. Thus I love you for it, you add something extra to life. I suppose in this post I’m celebrating how strange we are as a species.
Today I want to share the real emotions of imagined situations. I recently decided to place a ban on me playing the lottery or any sort of gambling for that matter. What started out as a simple fun game, turned into regular mourning. Yes, mourning. Each time I don’t win the jackpot, my dreams die and parts of my soul are crushed. This isn’t me being melodramatic, but a byproduct of expected entitlement from reading too many universal ordering scripts.
I believe in the transformative power of positive thinking, but I know it’s based on actual behaviour. You have to work for what you want. Not enough goes into showing the hard work involved, the luck or often, the family you are born into. Statistically, the chances of me winning any jackpot are so minimal I’d have better luck training my cat to speak English. But what are humans if we are not fools to our hopes and dreams? Humans are ridiculous. Every time I decide I should win the lottery, I become extra spiritual, I might pray, I think extra hard about what I’m going to do when I’m the wealthiest person I know and then, this is the important part, I believe. In those moments I honestly believe that because I think it, deserve it, want it, have planned for it that the universe will deliver. I imagine myself more of a Johan Eliasch than a Jeff Bezos. God surely must realise that I’d be a better candidate to have more money than Musk.
Why? Part of my billions will go to making the world better. You see, I want to change the world, make a difference and so I should have all the money. The problem here is my arrogance in thinking that how I view the world is how it should be. If I’m honest, in some of my moments’ I’d be fine being a dictator because I’ve learnt to appreciate my own voice. I’ve gained confidence that years ago I wouldn’t have. But I digress. In my reasoning to win, I’m trying to bribe the universe into choosing me by playing a caring parent figure. That’s a ploy. I want all of the money so I have the freedom to explore all that the world has to offer and make decisions on what should be rewarded, for that is what wealth does. Being rich provides resources to succeed beyond effort alone. It’s a cheat code to life and I want that code! I want all my desires to come true and I’m happy to get that with minimal effort. Please let me win the lottery God/ Universe/Satan etc!
The jackpot has never been mine. Statistically, I’d be better off gambling on the chances of me becoming an actual Vampire Witch Pirate, an astronaut, the president of the USA or winning a Grammy (stealing from your friend http://iandowling.co.uk/ doesn’t count apparently…)! But, just before I find out I lost a gamble, in that breath I am at one. All of my dreams, desires and wants to come true for the universe wants my hopes as much as I do…until I look at the results & I’ve lost. The high of my hopes are crushed to such an extent that I have to now say goodbye to something I never had. I have to mourn. I’m plummeting to the darkest depth of emotions for I’ve been betrayed.
The universe, world, God and everything else that has ordained power have let me down. Not only has it let me down, but it’s shown its contempt. In the loss, all celestial beings have in a moment brought light to several uncomfortable thoughts:
- God/ universe etc exists and hates me because if they truly loved me I’d have won the jackpot on the lottery
- God/Universe doesn’t exist and so all is pointless
- God/Universe has other plans for me, which involve more hardship and so they hate me clearly
- I am pathetic in thinking that I’m the most important being & that God/ Universe are paying attention to my every whim
Basically, each time I don’t win the lottery jackpot, I’m thrown into an existential crisis, of my own doing, that I don’t need. Pointless emotional turmoil. Humans are silly creatures! I can’t play the lottery because I’m far too much of a weirdo to handle it. Instead, I take to promoting my book, a much more rational pastime.
I understand this, it’s the human condition to believe that our experience should the experience of everyone else.
For me(I can’t speak for anyone else) I do take solace that at the end of each day I’m just doing the best I can with what I’ve been given.
I used to obsess about how much better my life would be if I had money(sometimes I still do) but I did realize that all this was doing was causing me stress that I didn’t need.
It’s the whole idea that we need to be this perfect version of ourselves, when in the end it’s much better to just think of things in term of moment to moment.
There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past, or planning for the future, just don’t pack your bags and stay there.
I like your perspective. As a writer, my imagination takes me to amazing places where I want to feel the full capacity of emotions, it’s natural to get carried away and often it’s fun. But it’s remembering to stay grounded in everything we do that is so important!